Share Your Story.

"First comes first, I just want to say i'm not 100% innocent at all in this situation. We both were young, and I truly wish him the best. However, I still have to say how I feel and how ruined I was after everything. At first everything was perfect, nothing could have came between us. I considered him my bestfriend, and may had even considered him as someone I wanted to spend my life with. Very quickly things started to change, I am very much someone who likes communication and back then I also needed a lot of reasurance. Both of those aspects weren't something he felt needed to be there. If I would try to bring up my feelings on some type of situation that was upsetting me, i'd instantly be told I was "being dramatic" or that I was "too much". In reality all I wanted him to know was how I was feeling about what he was doing and have a conversation about it, not an agrument. After a while you could tell we were both just burnt out, there was more bad days then there were good days. I was holding onto any type of love I could get, weither that be from having sex with him or that be just a smile. I could start telling that he was falling out of it, I remember telling my friends "I know he's going to break up with me". I pretty much sat around waiting for it to happen, I didn't know when or how but I knew it was coming. Some days he wouldn't even want to talk to me and the next he would want the lovey dovey me. It was emotionally draining, I didn't know what I should do because I would get use to him not wanting me so I would just tip-toe around him, the he would get upset I wasn't doing more so then I would start doing that. Then there I was again too much. This is where I was at my worse mental state I have ever been in my life. I barely could get myself out of bed to go shower, I didn't care what I looked like, I didn't care if I was even really alive. Because honestly I didn't feel like I was. Finally, he ended up breaking up with me. I wasn't even phased honestly. I was so numb to the situation that I couldn't even cry. That night I stayed with my at the time best-friend, I drank a lot and just hungout with her. It wasn't until several weeks later that it really hit me. I ended up spending a lot of time on myself that Summer, but was partying a lot as well. I was happy, but not a genuine happy. I still missed him and wished he was different, or actually wanted me. I couldn't even move on to anyone because his voice would run in the back of my mind saying I wasn't enough for anyone and that no one could love someone like me. Once school started again, we started gaining contact. We hungout again for the first time in months, it felt like normal. Then I became a hookup, and I knew instantly that's what it was. I don't do those, ever i'm not secure with myself enough too but I craved for his attention. Something really terrible happen from those few hook-ups, and just really ruined any sign of hope I had in me anymore. We lost connection again for a couple weeks, and I was working on myself all over again. He came back a third time, and I was hesitant. I really didn't care what came out of it to be honest, I still loved him and would do anything for him as a person. I just was so hurt and really had no room to love anyone. However, we still tried again. He promised me communication and real love, which I was fine with. It was good for a little bit, but this is where my physical abuse story comes in right here. It started out as an amazing night, i'm not going into much of the details except we started arguing in his pickup. He was nose to nose with me, and I had pushed his face away with my hand which resulted in him hitting me in the back of the head three times. At first I instantly was in shock and I didn't know how to handle it. I asked why and he said "You shouldn't have slapped me". In my head I didn't slap him I just didn't want him screaming in my face. I instantly felt as if him hitting me was entirely my fault. He even would say it multiple times after it, I shut down completely and started believing it. I was fully done with him. For months after that I felt I still wasn't good enough for anyone, that I deserved to be hit like I was. For anyone who may be going through something like this, please realize it isn't you who needs to change. You are strong, and it isn't your fault. Someone will love you harder then you ever imagined, I promise you."

 "In my freshman year of high school, I began to cope with my personal problems in very unhealthy ways. For 4 solid years the only way I felt I could cope with what I was going through was to self harm. Not everybody understands it, and I guess I can't say I 100% do either. I guess it was a way to inflict pain onto myself, the way I thought I was inflicting pain onto others. There was one night in particular when my sister just so happened to walk into my room, and actually witnessed what I had been doing for the past 4 years. My mom took me to the E.R, where they were required to evaluate my mental health. This was the first time my mom knew anything that I was doing behind closed doors. The first time my mom knew that I had a plan to end my life, and I will never ever forget the look on her face. They sent me away to a psychiatric ward for 3 days, and then I was allowed to go home and be with my family again. I haven't self-harmed since I got home around 2 years ago. The only thing that has kept me from going back to my old ways, was my moms face in the emergency room. I learned that I wasn't just hurting me, I was hurting everyone who cared about me. If any person reading this is struggling with self harm, just remember you are not alone, and getting help is perfectly healthy. You are worth it."